“I am Offended!” – Deal with It!
Before I even thought about doing this post I started to think that “Man….I am one to talk! I seriously am one to Talk!”. I have noticed that a lot of hits have been towards a past post I had written called “So You Lied to Me – Trust is Earned My Friend”. I wondered why people seem to be gravitating to that post since I have others that are about character building but when I think about it…it’s not really something I should be surprised about because we all go through that phase of broken trust…broken promises, hurt emotions, anger and resentment. I thank all that have been reading and I still hope that my blog is helping someone out there. I just want to state that I’m merely writing out of experience and for me…my initial intention was to write for self-therapy…more like I use it to write about how I’m feeling at the time and I talk myself through it all with what emotions or situations I am dealing with. So for this post, I’m walking myself through being Offended and dealing with it. I think that we should be really REAL with ourselves when it comes to our emotions. If we want to be healed or delivered from certain issues and situations that we have had to tackle in our lives, we must come to terms and be completely HONEST with ourselves. Deliverance and Healing is the children’s bread and we need to walk in it daily so that we learn from our weaknesses in order to become stronger for the next time we face an offence. You must be wondering, how do we walk in our Deliverance/Healing daily? How exactly do we do that? By practicing self-reflection and constant soul-searching on a DAILY basis with the help of Prayer. Monitor how your REACT versus how you RESPOND to situations. We are emotional beings but if we want to nurture a spirit of SELF-CONTROL then we have to learn to be honest with ourselves and learn from our mistakes in order to operate differently. You will find that you will be re-tested on the same issue if you don’t learn to change your ways. If you find yourself being offended over and over on the same issue then that is a cycle of insanity. If you react to something the same way expecting a different result, that is a cycle of insanity. You don’t want to go there do you? If you don’t, you have to recognise yourself for going around in circles. YOU have to break the cycle of insanity by permitting CHANGE. Change your Attitude, Change your Choices and you will Change your Direction and head towards your breakthroughs in your life. I find that when I’m emotional, reason has no room to make sense of a situation when I’m angry. I don’t hear any sound advice at that time because I’m just too upset to listen. There is that Proverb in the bible that always hits me in the face when I’m angry and it’s in respect to the fact that you cannot reason with a fool (Proverbs 26:4). When you are angry, you cannot think rationally if your emotions are in upheaval. I remember someone once told me that if one person offends another because they are angry and the other reacts in return with that same anger, it is difficult to distinguish who the fool is between the two parties if they both are reacting in the same way. Doesn’t that speak volumes to you? Well it did to me. I thought about it and considered I don’t want to look like a fool so I must seriously learn to bridle my tongue and monitor my reactions. I sometimes slip up on various occassions and beat myself over it because I knew I should have responded appropriately and didn’t…however, sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I end up reacting instead of maintaining my composure. I’m sure we’ve all been there and done that. I’m here to put my hand up first to fess up to my messes. It’s a humbling journey and I wince at the times I failed the test and God puts me in another test to take a make-up exam on the same issue until I’ve learned my lesson. When we are angry our emotions become unsettled and also become very unstable. Anger is not a bad emotion but if we sin in anger, that is the time when we must admit that we have crossed the line with our emotions. You can sin in anger (Ephesians 4:26) and that is why we have to nurture a spirit of self-control to keep it together (Galatians 5:23). This is why we need to grow in FAITH because we can rely on the help of the Holy Spirit to give us self-control when we are about to sin. The need to have self-control is to avoid having a seed of bitterness implanted into our hearts that grows into a bitter root called hatred. You don’t want to add fuel to the fire so snuff out the things that cause you to stumble over and over when offended. I have read a book that helped me deal with the issue of anger and bitterness and it’s by John Bevere called The Bait of Satan. When I read that book, I realized that I had soo many things I needed to change in order to not cultivate a diseased heart of bitterness, anger and resentment. I didn’t want to live pained by hatred anymore and needed some serious deliverance from the anguish I had felt over some serious offences that I suffered from people that had done me wrong in the past. Remember that Forgiveness is about you and not the other person. Forgiveness helps you to heal from the offence. I had to pray to let go of past hurts but that doesn’t mean that you won’t encounter moments when the same hurt resurfaceses to wound you again or that you won’t be reminded of the bitterness you felt after the fact. I find that even when I pray to forgive there are times when I don’t “feel” like I’ve actually forgiven because I still feel pained by the offence, but forgiveness isn’t a “feeling” thing, it is a “faith” thing.
2 Peter 1:5-7 New King James Version (NKJV)
Fruitful Growth in the Faith 5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.
Understand that hurting people hurt people.Some people do things that are hurtful to others because they lack that practice of introspection. When they see someone who is strong in their attitude, they feel the need to pull such people down and that’s where we have to come to terms that we will always face people that will offend us one way or another. Don’t fall into the same pit of negativity as they are in because misery wants company. I learned all of that in the book by John Bevere called The Bait of Satan . I totally recommend it if you need to find closure on certain issues. This book will help you heal and help you get delievered out of that cycle of rage, hatred, depression and all those other negative emotions that keep you bound from moving on in your life. Pray to God, Seek counselling if you need it, and learn to build self-control. You will need accountability partners to help you heal as well. They are needed in your life to keep your behavior in check. If you don’t have any, seek out positive mentors and connect with strong people that aren’t afraid to tell you like it is. You need those that have the maturity to deal with such issues and are able to assist you and walk you through that path of healing, but you have to seek that out for yourself if you want to walk in your healing and deliverance. As a last note, learn to bridle your tongue because out of it flows the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23; Matthew 12:34; Luke 6:45).